There are a lot of inventions that just don't make it. Some are just impractical, some are too complicated and some are swallowed up by the government as security risks. There are also some that are bought, before the object or item can be manufactured, but that particular object might allow us to efficiently derive power without using petroleum products. The amount of patents issued in the U.S. every year is about one hundred and fifty thousand. To handle this huge bulk, there are about 5,477 patent examiners and 404 trademark examiners. Yes you are right, the U.S. Patent Office is a busy place, even though one of the former directors in the late 1800s suggested that the office be shut down, because he believed that everything that could have been invented was already. Yup he was one of those political hacks that was put in charge.

When we take the time to look at some of the inventions that were patented, we see some unusual stuff. One invention that caught my eye was an indoor sundial. Yes you heard me right. Oh, you think that this is impossible, because the sun is needed to move around in the sky? Well normally you would be right, but this inventor solved that problem. He made a traditional sun dial, with a light that was controlled by a clock drive, that moved around the sundial with the same precision as the sun. See, it was possible to do. One of the problems was that the entire setup weighed eight hundred pounds. It did run on household current however. The second problem was, who would want one?

Another invention that I couldn't help but notice was wedge-proof underwear. One adjustable strap was attached to each side of a pair of jockey short type underwear. The other end of the straps went around your ankles and over your socks. The parts of the invention were described as heavy duty reinforced waistband, high tension socks and adjustable straps. Would this work, who knows? It sure looked mighty uncomfortable though.

Are you still smoking and unhappy about it? Would you like to quit, but lack the will power? The next invention just might be right for you. It is an anti-smoking cowboy hat. Are you wondering how a hat can prevent you from smoking? Let me explain this apparatus to you. The hat has a built in heat and smoke detector. There is a long tube in the hat that extends from the top of the inside. The idea is to connect a can of shaving cream to the back of the tube. When you light your cigarette, the heat and smoke detector, detects it and sends out a spray of foam to put it out. Gee I wonder why this didn't make it?

Are you familiar with the principle that I have talked about that uses cameras and screens to make fighter planes invisible? If you are, then you will have to laugh at the next invention. A person has patented an invention that is nothing more than cameras and screens. The screens are put on the front of your home and the the cameras are on the back, pointing at your yard. The cameras project the back yard onto the screens on the front of the house and the inventor states that this makes the house invisible. Somehow I just don't think so. Hey pal, what about the sides?

One invention that looked very promising and had appeared in a few places was virtual reality. Remember that? That is where you put on a helmet and special gloves and you were able to see a computer generated world and move around in it. Everyone thought that it held great promise, but is nowhere to be seen today. One of the problems was that certain helmets produced eyestrain.

In the 1980s an invention called the sun pod was being pushed. It was a sort of plastic container that had a clear lid. The device was about six feet long and the idea was for someone to get into it and sunbathe. It had a fan inside for ventilation. It didn't work very well unless you wanted to bake a cake in it, so it was abandoned.

One inventor thought that he had the solution to airline hijacking. He invented an airline seat that had a locking seatbelt buckle. It also contained a hypodermic needle that was remotely activated. The idea is that if a passenger is disturbing people or about to hijack the plane, the pilot can remotely lock his seat belt and inject him. I would like to know how this helps if his seatbelt if off? Can you imagine if there is a short in the wiring and everyone's belt gets locked and they all get injected? None, I don't think that this idea will fly and I mean that literally.

Some inventions are just too obnoxious to ever make it. One in point is US Patent #7118242. It is a lamp that shows Jesus on the cross and there is fluid that flows through the Jesus statue and comes out the holes in his wounds.

One guy reinvented the golf club. This time he put a sharp edge on it so that when you swing it, it cuts your grass. Let's see, if I get one of these I should be able to cut my lawn in about 20 hours instead of 1. Gee that sounds smart.

Here are a few inventions that never made it, see if you can figure out why? The water-proof towel, inflatable dart board, helicopter ejection seat, pedal-powered wheel chair, powdered water and the solar powered flashlight. I thought that see through toilet paper was undesirable as was reusable ice cubes.

The dad saddle just proves that husbands are just beasts of burden, that is what I tell my wife, anyway. This invention features a wide belt that goes around the husband's waist and has stirrups on each side, much the same as the type used when you ride a horse. The idea is that your child will stand in the stirrups as he holds is hands around your neck as you carry him around. I wonder if it comes with an oat bag?

The alarm fork's inventor wanted to enable us all to keep our weight down, by giving our food a chance to settle. The idea is to eat when the fork shows a green light and not eat, when it shows a red one. The fork has a timer built into it and a battery activates the lights. The slow eating is said to make you get full faster.

Hey want a depressing watch, one has been patented for you, it is called the Life Expectancy Watch. Here is what the inventor says, "Life expectancy has been a major concern of people throughout the ages. Insurance companies routinely develop and publish actuarial tables to indicate the average life span of certain people in specified groups.  This actuarial table data is based on a number of factors, such as overall health of the individual, whether a person smokes cigarettes, consumes excessive alcohol, and genetic factors such as family histories of known diseases and recorded life spans."  The watch counts backwards. You are asked a series of questions when you program the watch and that is how it determines your life span. I think I will skip this one. As one person said, you better hurry and buy it, time is running out.

Can you imagine how many crazy inventions are out there. There has to be hundreds of thousands, since the Patent office was opened. If I had the time, I probably could fill an entire book or books with some of these things.